Forgetting Page 11

  “What happened?” she asked softly.

  I pursed my lips and stared out onto the lake. “I don’t want to talk about it. Besides, you said that certain things need to stay between Julian and me.”

  My mother gasped lightly, and brought her hand to her mouth. Several minutes went by before either of us spoke again. My statement, although evasive, was clear as to the source of my distress. I knew she was trying to process how the situation even presented itself. It doesn’t take a scientist to figure out what happens when you place two people alone in a highly-charged situation when there is already tension. Like two magnets drawn together by universal law, suddenly we were repelled by equal force, skyrocketing in opposite directions.

  “Oh Stella . . . why would you put yourself in that position?” she asked.

  I laughed and shrugged my shoulders. “I will tell you the same thing I told him. I was exerting my independence. I am not a child, and I can’t stay in this bubble forever. I have to live as though my memory isn’t coming back, and if I am to do that to the fullest, why should I be exempt from falling in love?”

  She caught sight of the tears that slipped from my eyes before I was able to wipe them away. She stood up from the chair, pulled my wet body tight to hers, and cried with me. How do you argue with that? Does a disability, whether physical or mental, mean that a person is less human? That they shouldn’t have every opportunity to experience the most basic of all primal needs, to love and be loved in return? Like the appearance of the press, this was another unexpected turn of events.

  “It’s so complicated, Stella; it’s not that easy, especially for you two.”

  Lying docilely in her arms, I shook my head in disagreement. “No, it’s not really. It’s a choice. And he made it. I cannot change the way his emotions are choosing to rule, any more than I can change mine. He tried telling me that this is just all one biological cocktail, and maybe it is. But last night . . . last night was so much more than logic and reason. I know what I felt, what I feel. And maybe that makes me a complete moron, but I am not sorry. The only thing I will apologize for is how my actions affect you and dad.”

  She smoothed my hair away from my face, and kissed the top of my forehead. With a bright smile that reached her eyes, she nodded her head. “Stella, you are a grown woman, and you are right—shame on him. Although I wouldn’t have expected you two to hook up so soon, I know things happen. I cannot answer for his behavior, or tell you what you should do next. What I can say is this: do not ever feel bad or guilty for falling in love. That doesn’t mean the other person will reciprocate, but that is never a guarantee, only a hope. Also know when to walk away. You are worth so much more than someone who cannot face his own feelings when it comes to you. I love Julian, I really do. But you are first and foremost my daughter, and I want only the best. I am so sorry you have to learn this the hard way. But that is the price of being a Brady. You are a stubborn bunch.”

  I laughed for the first time that afternoon, and then pulled the plug in the tepid water. My fingers were deeply wrinkled, and I felt a bit light headed from dehydration. My mother handed me a large fluffy towel and helped me down the steps. I watched as her eye caught the tattoo on my hip, and she smirked. Pulling the thick cotton aside, I showed her again and wiggled.

  “I think a little bit more of who you are is coming out every day.” She snickered.

  Tracing the green and violet carnivorous plant with my fingers, I looked up and smiled.

  “You know, the guys told me I wasn’t a bad person. Most of this was a defense mechanism I hid behind. Now that I am learning more about who I was, I can understand my reluctance to vulnerability. Maybe that is what this is all about. God didn’t want me living a life of fear. If people believed I was this angry and destructive woman, they wouldn’t get close enough to break my heart. It’s kind of the same thing now, isn’t it?”

  While waiting for my mother’s response, I could see she was debating between words of comfort and honesty. Thankfully, she found a way to convey both. “Unfortunately, it is. However, it is like you said—a choice how you respond. If you believe God want’s something better for you, you are absolutely right. He uses everything good and bad to bring us closer to Him. It is not us who should be teaching you how to live, I think it’s the opposite. All of us have something we need to learn from you. We forget what it is like to have nothing to lose, and to live without fear. I admire your bravery, banged knees and all.”

  I hugged her and started to walk down the hallway to my bedroom, then I turned around and gave her a mischievous smile. “Depending on the circumstance, it’s always worth getting a little banged up.”

  With wide eyes she threw the towel at me and shrieked. “Stella Elizabeth Brady! If your father heard what you just said, we would both be in the dog house!”

  I shrugged and went back toward my bedroom before I heard her call again. “Stella.”

  “Yes, mama.”

  With a wink and a smile she quietly agreed. “Good for you.”

  I felt lighter entering the cool bedroom with the shades drawn, blocking the afternoon sun from forming a sauna. Digging through the drawers for a pair of clean undies, my fingers grazed a piece of folded paper. I pulled it out, and my breathing increased. I’d forgotten I had shoved the article to the bottom of the drawer. I opened it up, and scanned the images on the cover. I instantly gravitated toward the picture of the man. He was beautiful. Different than Julian in so many ways, but he was someone else who knew me. If Julian felt that this path was a mistake, perhaps this one would feel differently. There was only one way to find out.

  ~ Summoned ~

  For the millionth time, it seemed I soaked in every word printed on the thin newspaper. “Stella Brady Tragedy” was in bold black print. Below it was a photo of me and the subheading: “Paparazzi chase leaves lead singer of Protest in critical condition, her companion shaken.”

  My companion.

  His name was Kai Bennett, drummer for the band Mistaken Identity. Who was this man to me?

  At 10:45 this morning, Stella Brady was injured on the Portuguese Gap ski run while being pursued by Los Angeles based photographer Richard Sabatalo in Park City, Utah. She is listed in critical condition at Park City Medical and no additional information has been provided. The singer was in town for the annual film festival, and was scheduled to begin a cross country tour at the end of the month. All shows have been cancelled until further notice. Mr. Bennett’s publicist has released a statement on his behalf, expressing distress over the day’s events and a desire for privacy during this time.

  The article went on to explain more about who I was, including my rise to stardom and journey with the band Protest. I was discovered in Nashville by the daughter of a record producer, who convinced her father to listen to an unassuming bartender that had never stepped foot inside a studio. Within a year, we released our debut album, and the sky was the limit. The rapid ascension was not without consequence. It was rumored I was troubled, with drug use and erratic behavior. I was warned not to read too much into what the media said about me, that most of it was speculation dusted with fact. One thing that could not be disputed was that Kai Bennett was with me when the accident occurred, and only he could answer the questions that haunted my dreams.

  The unknowing became unbearable, and finally, I could take it no more. My parents left for dinner that evening, and I stayed behind to speak to Michael and place my request. I needed to talk to Kai, and he was my best chance of that happening. He was initially cautious, so I explained my plight.

  Agreeing it might be beneficial, he recommended a few precautions be taken before the introduction occurred. “Stella, it’s not that simple, but it’s not impossible. Mr. Bennett must agree to a nondisclosure of anything that is said between you two. Your condition is not public knowledge, and we must do everything we can to protect it. Based off what I know about Kai, I don’t see that being an issue. I remember how upset he was when you got hurt.”


  Imagining being in Kai’s shoes caused my chest to tighten. Perhaps it was the sting of rejection driving me toward him. Regardless of the reason, he held answers I desperately needed. Several weeks passed before Michael was able to connect with Kai and arrange his travel. Julian had stayed away, and my parents did not press the issue. I spent my days working in the garden, painting, and learning how to use the computer more. For as much as I wanted to read more about who I was, I cleared the browser every time I typed my name. I also gave myself the opportunity to be surprised, and refrained from looking up anything about Kai. I wanted to be free of judgment and assumption. Excitedly, I passed my time thinking of all the things I would ask him. Thinking back to the conversation with my mother in the bathroom, I decided that until Kai arrived, I needed to make things right with my fathers, both heavenly and here on earth. Sunday morning rolled around and I dressed the most conservative I was able to with the clothing in my possession. Christopher chose to join me, and he too put on his nicest suit.

  We were the last to arrive, and walked quietly into the small church. My father sat in a pew to the side of the altar, reserved for lecturers and elders. Everyone turned when the heavy wooden doors closed behind us, but we paid no attention as we found our seats. I watched my father like a hawk, and he watched me in return, wondering what would happen during the hour of service. After the homily, the congregation began to sing hymns of praise. They happened to choose one of my favorite songs, that I felt I hadn’t heard in forever. Closing my eyes, I lost myself in worship, leaving all of my worries behind. Having Christopher with me set my heart at ease. He did not mind one bit when I held his hand and leaned against his arm, praying for God to lead me through this valley. He had tissues ready, anticipating the tears that would come.

  It was not until he squeezed my hand hard that I pulled out of the fog. I must have continued to sing long after everyone had stopped. Embarrassed, I sat down and tried to keep from hyperventilating. I looked up toward the front, and anticipated a look of horror on my father’s face. If I had been such a disappointment, I could only imagine what this would have done to him. Rather than a face full of disdain, his eyes were reddened and holding back tears. A large smile rested broadly on his cheeks. He was not ashamed of my presence. He was proud. I kept quiet during the rest of the service, daring not to sing another note, but beaming with hope that things may just right themselves in my world somehow.

  After the dismissal, I waited for the congregation to leave and greet the pastor as they headed out for the day. Feeling infinitely lighter, I tapped my head against Christopher once more and giggled. “Thank you for being here today, it means a lot.”

  He bumped my arm in return and laughed. “Stella, this is a side of you no one has ever gotten to see. I understand now how those pipes became so fine tuned. You truly have a gift. It was an honor for me to be here.”

  I smiled and stood, ready to leave and speak with my father. He was standing next to Pastor Williams, and smiled brightly as I approached. I only knew the pastor by name via conversations overheard during dinner. Up until this moment, I had never met the man. He too held the look of fondness so many had, bringing me ease in the unfamiliar situation. My father grabbed me and held me close, shaking slightly. My presence here was the key to breaking down his walls. I felt it in his embrace, that any resentment or anger he held was melted away on the steps of the church. He looked up to Christopher, reached out his hand, and thanked him for coming. Only afterward, did he offer a formal introduction between the pastor and I.

  Pastor Williams was around the same age as my father. A head of salt and pepper hair rested against a cleanly-shaven face and crisp white color so common of clergy. He reached out to take my hand, and I thanked him for the beautiful service.

  “Stella, you used to sing here. For many years, your voice blessed these walls. I never thought I would hear it again, so it’s me that wants to thank you. I know you have been in town for a while, and I was hoping you would eventually find your way here. God must have heard me, because here you are,” he said.

  More pieces of the puzzle began to fall in place. Outside of Julian, I still had my own life here. But why wouldn’t I? Of course there was more to my past than the one I shared with Julian. The more I learned about the life I vanished from, the more intrigued I became with what caused me to disappear. I had a good life, I was loved, and had anything I could ever possibly hope for. What happened? Knowing Kai would be arriving in a few short hours kept me distracted enough from that which I may never know. I said my goodbyes to Pastor Williams and my father, hopping excitedly into the SUV for my reintroduction to Kai Bennett.

  For weeks, I had studied the image of his face on the newspaper clipping. Another photo showed him on stage playing the drums, but from a further distance. Like me, long limbs were decorated in vibrant ink images. His hair was a dirty blond in both images, and his eyes were ocean blue, so familiar yet so hard to place. In the full-bodied picture, he was shirtless, tan, and built of rippling hard muscle. I patted myself on the back and laughed. At least I knew how to pick attractive men. Thinking about him being at my house when I arrived made me nervous to the point of nausea. Questions swarmed through my mind. What if he didn’t like me? What if I meant nothing to him? Why did he agree to come down here? Would he tell everyone how messed up I was?

  I banged my head against the back of the seat, so Christopher reached out and grabbed my hand.

  “Stella, everything will be fine. I am right here,” he stated calmly.

  “I didn’t tell you what was bothering me.”

  Christopher squeezed my hand harder. “You didn’t need to, I already know. And I am saying it will be fine.”

  I squeezed back and snuggled up next to the giant man. I felt as though, next to him, nothing would or could ever hurt me. I had amazing people that took care of me; I shouldn’t have worried as much as I did. Pulling up to the house, I could see another vehicle parked in the driveway. Michael was sitting outside on the porch waiting to greet us, and walked down to open the car door. Stepping out, I looked around in confusion.

  “Where is he?” I asked, anticipating he would be on the porch waiting for my arrival.

  “He went for a walk. He’s down at the lake with Truman. But Stella, he still doesn’t know. Remember that. There’s no telling how he will react. We have no reason to believe you are in danger, just be careful.”

  I smiled at Michael and nodded my head, then I tuned toward the water, and bounded off excitedly in Kai’s direction. He’s here. He’s here. It was almost too much to believe. At the edge of the tree line, I stopped just out of view. Taking a moment to observe at a distance, I soaked in every beautiful feature. His hair was shorter than the picture in the article, and smoothed down from wearing a ball cap that was resting next to him. His muscular arms were covered from wrist, up, in colorful tattoos, and I could see more peeking through the V-neck of his T-shirt, as well as up the back collar line. His khaki jeans were rolled up to his calves, while his long legs moved back and forth in the cool water. He would look up the hill every few moments, waiting to see me cross the path onto the dock, so finally I walked slowly toward him.

  Kai turned and looked right at my short hair, before coming back to my eyes, but the beautiful smile never left his face. When he moved to stand up, I was taken aback by his height. At nearly Christopher’s height, he was a bit intimidating. I stopped a few feet in front of him, unsure of what to do or say, so I began with the only thing I could think of.

  “Hi.” I giggled. It sounded so inadequate for such a momentous occasion.

  Kai moved toward me and tilted his head. “Hi to you.” He laughed.

  The summer sun had warmed his skin, and I could smell the sumptuous cologne radiating from his body. I closed my eyes and let the breeze carry it over to me, then felt my head begin to spin.

  “I can’t believe you are really here,” I whispered.

  A soft hand grazed my cheek,
catching me off guard and creating an involuntary shudder.

  “Fuck, I’m sorry Stella. It’s just . . . I never thought I would see you again. You have no idea how badly I want to grab you right now and never let go. I had to touch you just to know you are real.”

  After a moment of contemplation, I stepped forward and tentatively wrapped my arms around Kai’s waist, while pressing my face against his chest. I could feel his heart beating so hard, the pace nearly matched his rapid breathing. Strong arms embraced my shoulders as he tucked his chin over my head and held firmly.

  “I’m really here, but I have to tell you something.” I stepped back and felt the frown pulling the edges of my lips down against my will.

  Looking concerned, he took a deep breath and waited for me to speak.

  “Kai. I appreciate you coming down here, you have no idea how much. But the accident did a lot of damage. I am sorry, but I don’t remember you. You look really familiar, but the only reason I know who you are is because of a newspaper article I found by chance. I was hoping you could help me answer a few questions.”

  I prepared for him to recoil, but he merely tilted his head again and brought his hand to his mouth, thinking deeply about the words I had just spoken. After a few moments, he threaded his fingers behind his neck, and rocked back and forth on his heels calmly, and exhaled a deep breath. My eyes began to burn with tears of rejection, but before the first one fell, Kai gave a crooked smile and reached his hand out to mine. I slid my fingers against his rough palms, and he quickly embraced them, pulling me back into his arms.

  “Ask me anything you want, and I will answer as best as I can. But I have something to tell you. I don’t know you that well, either,” he said quietly.

  I paused and met his gaze, which was filled with so much love and light. He looked at me differently than Julian. I felt as if this man adored me. Was he infatuated with the star I was, or was he intimate with the woman off stage? I pressed my nose into his chest, and could feel the heat of my breath curl into the cotton fabric of his shirt as I spoke. “Please tell me what you know.”