Forgetting Read online

  Kai’s hand began to rub gently up and down along my spine, encouraging me to stay close. “I was obviously with you during the accident, but I had only really met you the night before. Your manager was on our bus partying, and promised I would get to meet you if I came with her. She dragged along some groupie, but I knew who you were and it was the only chance I had. You stay pretty guarded. So I went, and I waited, and surely enough, you came and crawled into bed with me. I couldn’t believe my luck. At first you wouldn’t have anything to do with me, you were just messing around with Vida. But when you realized I’d waited for you, you took me back to your room and. . . .”

  My body froze thinking about what happened next. I knew he wouldn’t tell me unless I asked, but I had come too far to not know exactly what events took place before my demise.

  “And?” I whispered.

  “And we did it, ya know? It was out of this world, crazy. Then we went snowboarding, and you had some blow, so we got high before going down the run. Your nose started bleeding, and there was this photographer . . .”

  I grabbed my head and walked away shaking. Kai was a one night stand. I didn’t know him. He was a complete stranger. Why was I so drawn to him, when clearly nothing good came out of us meeting? I was so foolish. He moved quickly and placed his hands gently on my shoulders.

  “Stella, I am sorry. I wish I didn’t have to tell you that. I wish more than anything I meant something to you. That’s why I came, because I thought I actually did. It wasn’t your fault what happened. You were trying to get away. You actually tried to leave me behind, but I wouldn’t let you. I heard you cry out my name before you hit the tree. It was the most horrible thing I had ever heard or seen in my entire life. I rushed over to you and you wouldn’t move. There was so much blood. I just held you close and asked God to not let you die. I told Him I would get sober, do anything, just not to let you die. And I did. I got sober. Because of you.”

  Kai’s eyes were red, and his skin grew blotchy. This was obviously an emotional situation for him as well. It was impossible for me to know how it traumatized him. It made me feel a little better to know something else good came out of it. I smiled and this time I was the one to reach out my hand to him and pull him close, the magnet in my heart drawing me into him.

  “She likes you.”

  He looked at me in confusion.

  “She?”

  “Yes, the person I became. I have no recollection of that life, so it’s easier for me to refer to her in third person. I feel like I have a ghost living in my body, and I know it’s her fighting to come back. It’s not like schizophrenia, it’s more like a knowing. When I first saw your pictures, I felt this warmth spread through my body. I tingled all the way to my toes, and my heart beat so hard. I knew I had to meet you.”

  Kai smiled. “I am happy to be here, Stella. You have no idea. I feel like you are God’s reward for going down the straight and narrow. You are a fucking miracle.”

  I laughed at his comment, and quite liked the idea of being someone’s proof of a higher power.

  “You believe in God, I take it?” I asked with a huge grin.

  “That I do. We haven’t always seen eye to eye, but He always manages to find a way to keep me steady.”

  Noticing that Kai’s eyes kept moving to my mouth, I asked if I had something in my teeth.

  He laughed loudly. “Um, no Stella. I’m sorry. I just can’t stop thinking about kissing you, honestly.”

  My eyes grew wide and my stomach fluttered. Imagining his lips on mine caused my mouth to water in anticipation. The air between us grew tangible, and I could think of nothing else. I moved my chest closer to his, and felt my breath grow shaky. The moment his hand rested against my cheek, I melted into his palm and closed my eyes. I parted my lips slightly and waited for him to move. The air puffed out of his nostrils and his face moved closer to mine. He wrapped his other arm tightly around my waist and pulled me close. Time felt as though it was dragging along on purpose, just to torture me, until finally his lips brushed mine and offered sweet respite. A deep whine was pulled from my lungs, and I craved more as I tangled myself into him.

  Kai’s mouth crashed against mine, and his tongue greedily laid claim. He had been there before; not only because he told me, but because deep within I knew it. I craved him without knowing the source of my desire. I heard myself call out his name from a dark place, and he responded. With growls of satisfaction, I was consumed by him.

  Stepping away, I breathed heavily and smiled. “Wow,” was all I could muster.

  Kai gave a smirk of approval and rubbed his belly. “Wow is right, but there is a more pressing matter. Airport food leaves a lot to be desired. Have you had dinner yet? It’s getting late, and I am starving. Can we eat and then continue our conversation?”

  I shook my head and laughed, while nodding toward the house.

  “We have a stocked kitchen. I am sure we can find something, if that’s okay. My parents are headed back, and I bet they will be hungry too.”

  Kai fell in step next to me, and grabbed my hand affectionately. “Anything you want, Stella.”

  ~ Reservations for Four ~

  Kai began to assist me with the evening’s meal without prompt. We shared stolen glances and titillating kisses, and I wasn’t sure if I could let him leave. I shared my sentiment, and he looked far away.

  “Stella, I would want nothing more than to stay here with you, but I have a tour to finish,” he said sadly.

  I nodded and brushed it off. “It was just a thought. I know it’s impossible. I don’t know you. Perhaps it’s best if we get to know each other again from afar.”

  Kai’s arms wrapped around me as his lips pressed firmly into the skin of my collarbone.

  “You will get to know me; I will make damn sure of that. If you want me in your life, neither hell nor high water will stop that from happening.”

  I giggled and pressed my back into his chest. “I must have made quite the impression on you before.”

  He turned me around to face him, and pushed my body hard into the counter. “I’ve never been able to forget you. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t wash myself of the memories. It sounds stupid, it was only one night, but that’s all it took. No one will ever be able to take your place, Stella.”

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer for another searing kiss. I don’t think I could ever tire of feeling his mouth against mine, and the way he dissolved all reason.

  Hearing a surprised cough, I stopped and smirked. “Um, hi mom and dad . . . this is Kai. He was an old friend of mine. I hope you don’t mind, he’s staying for dinner. We’re almost finished making it.”

  My father turned around and walked away, whereas my mother raised a cynical brow. Kai laughed while opening his arms and pulled my mother into a hug, lifting her up and spinning her around like a child. Once he sat her down, she held the side of his cheek and patted it affectionately.

  “I wish I knew you were coming. This is quite the surprise.”

  Standing slack jawed at the scene which was unfolding, I waited until someone decided to enlighten me. Noticing my apprehension, I was rapidly growing more unsettled. Something about this picture was very wrong.

  “How do you know him mom?”

  They both turned to address me and their demeanors changed.

  “Honey it’s okay. I got to know Kai quite well at the hospital. He actually came along when we brought you here. Don’t you remember?”

  Flashes of the flight raced through my mind. The tall man in the black coat with the blue eyes.

  “That was you?” I asked quietly.

  I hadn’t made the connection. His arms were covered and he was wearing glasses. By the time I had woken, he was already gone.

  “Why didn’t you guys tell me? Don’t you think that’s important?”

  Feeling once again foolish, I stormed out the back door and leaned against the railing. Michael followed a few minutes behind and paused next m
e.

  “Stella, we did not know about the hospital. I swear. He didn’t tell us, neither did she. Everything was arranged through his manager. We did not have direct contact with Kai until he arrived at the airport, and would never knowingly have kept that from you. The moment you were admitted we were cut off from contact, you know that.”

  I smiled weakly and shrugged.

  “I told her not to tell me things. This is why. The more I discover the worse it gets. I can’t be angry at her for keeping it a secret. She knows how I react.” I said with a laugh.

  Looking into the house, I knew this was another day of revelation necessary for uncovering the truth. I wanted answers, and here they were. Just because I wasn’t expecting this, didn’t make it any less poignant. Giving myself a little longer to gather my thoughts, I opened the door slowly and my mother was standing next to Kai near the stove. They stopped talking and waited for me to speak.

  “Perhaps now I can be included in the conversation.” Inhaling the delicious aromas wafting from the pots placed me in a calmer mood and my own hunger was fueling my irritability. Giving a contrite smile, my mother stated she needed to freshen up and would be back shortly to set the table.

  Kai let out a sigh of relief as she walked away and turned to me perplexed “You didn’t tell them I was coming?” he asked nervously.

  “No, I thought they would have discouraged it. This was one of those seek-forgiveness-rather-than-permission situations. Show’s how much I really know. My life has been a train wreck since I was brought back here, especially once the paparazzi discovered my whereabouts. I live in a bubble. Literally,” I said with disdain.

  Approaching me confidently, I flinched when his fingers first grazed my skin but he was not moved. Without trepidation his caress lowered my guard.

  “I know what you mean. I get it. It must be terrible to not remember who you were, when that’s all the rest of the world sees. I wasn’t sure how much she told you, I just assumed you knew. I’m sorry Stella.”

  I smiled and shook my head. “It’s not your fault. I should apologize, that was out of line. Welcome to my life.”

  For the next half hour we moved about in a quiet comfort while getting dinner ready. Kai instructed me on how to slice the vegetables just so, and curl the lemon peels into small spirals. Each dish was painstakingly prepared and gorgeous. My mother returned just as we were putting the finishing touches on the first course. Reluctantly, my father joined her, taking his place at the table and opening with a prayer. Unlike the dinner with Julian, I was not unsure of myself. I dismissed the curious glances of my parents as they watched the two of us interact. It was as natural as breathing, and I knew it frightened them.

  I broke the tension with the only thing I knew that would get through to my father, who had not yet met Kai. “Kai believes in God, you know. He thinks I am a miracle.” I joked between bites of sautéed shrimp.

  My father’s ears perked right up, and the investigation began. “Is that so? Tell me, what kind of religious upbringing you had?” he asked skeptically, while eyeballing the colorful palate adorning Kai’s arms.

  Kai winked at me before addressing him. “My dad is a preacher, as is my grandfather, and his father. I come from a long line of clergy. I feel as though the gift skipped me, as I never felt the call, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t know the bible inside and out.”

  I looked to my dad and raised my brows before taking another bite. The questions continued, yet each one came with a less cautious tone. My mother remained unusually quiet as I learned more about who Kai Bennett was, which did not go unnoticed by my father. He warmed up once the connection was made that Kai was the one that stayed vigilantly by my side until I awoke, which nearly cost him his career. Once my condition was diagnosed, Dr. Gleason and the neurology team at the hospital weighed out the risks of having him in my life, and the plans of my mother caring for me, it was deemed a complication in my recovery. If not for the article falling from the album, his presence in my life would have remained unknown. The end of the evening came far too quickly, and we were reminded he had a plane to catch.

  Standing on the back porch, hot tears filled my eyes and poured down my cheeks. “I wish you didn’t have to leave yet, but I am so grateful you agreed to see me. It’s been such an amazing day.”

  Kai wiped my tears away and pulled me close. “Baby girl, I won’t be gone long. We can always talk on the phone, or Skype. I know it’s not the same, but I will come back here for you if you want me to. Just say the word, and I’m on my way.”

  My lips found his for one last kiss. I could taste the reluctance of our separation through the urgency in which he pressed against me and held me close. I whimpered as I tangled my arms around his neck, and with one arm tightly around my waist, he began to tickle my sides lightly to ease the sadness. I tossed my head back while laughing hysterically to escape his embrace just as headlights turned into the driveway and illuminated our bodies.

  Recognizing the grill of Julian’s truck, I froze in place. “Lovely.”

  “Who is that?” Kai asked as he continued to hold me close.

  The wheels suddenly began to spin backward as Julian hit the gas, shooting gravel in every direction.

  I tried to run toward the truck screaming his name, but it was too late. My parents heard the commotion and rushed to my side, as I picked up a handful of rocks and threw it into the cloud of dust.

  Kai tried to come near me, but my father stopped him. “I think it’s time for you to go son,” he said.

  Michael and Christopher were waiting to take him back to the airport, and had opened the back door to the SUV.

  “Wait!” I shouted.

  Kai turned around with the most defeated expression on his face. I ran to him and jumped into his arms, tightening my legs around his waist. “Don’t let me go,” I whispered into his ear.

  “Never.”

  I lowered to the ground and struggled to release him. After watching him step hesitantly into the car, I turned and ran into my bedroom, falling face first into pillows and screaming at the top of my lungs. The sound was muffled, but not enough to stop my mother from banging on the door.

  “Stella Brady, you let me in this instant! What the hell were you doing, asking that boy to come here and acting the way you did? You can’t do that! We are already dealing with enough, we don’t need this.”

  “Excuse me? You let a man stay by my side and nearly lose everything, only to shut him out the moment I wake up and then act like nothing is wrong? I am not the selfish one here! You think you are protecting me but you aren’t. This bubble has popped and no matter how much you try to keep me from the truth, it’s like dad said, it’s going to come out.” My words were angry and cut deep. She sensed what was already going through my mind and knew there was no turning back. I resolved to find my way out of this town first thing in the morning. If I was such a burden, surely I had enough money to find some other place to live in anonymity and not upset others’ lives. The thought of leaving my mother and father broke my heart, but the reality was I had been a tornado once before, and even amnesia couldn’t keep that part of me at bay.

  ~ Consequences ~

  “Stella Brady, you get your ass up and dressed right now!”

  The pounding on the door coincided with the ringing in my ears. Crying so hard had worn me down to nothing, and every sound was amplified infinitely. I needed water, but was too tired to move. A full day had passed and I was left uninterrupted to mourn, but now my mother was on a mission. I cracked the door and she stormed in, opening the shades and flooding the room with the bright afternoon sun.

  “You smell like death. Take a shower first, we don’t have much time, Raina is waiting,” she said sternly.

  “Why is Raina waiting for me?” I asked groggily while pulling clothes from the closet with a continuous yawn.

  My mother walked past me into the bathroom, and turned the knobs to the shower, urging me to move faster.

 
; “Because we aren’t going to deal with this petty nonsense between you two. You don’t have to get along, but I refuse to let Raina take on any more stress than she needs. She has something to tell you, and you are going to listen. Do you hear me?”

  I nodded softly and crawled under the steaming hot water. I wanted to savor it, but I heard my mother banging around angrily, so I washed up quickly to get on our way. My head was killing me and I still needed water, but with the mood she was in, I dared not ask. We turned out of the driveway, and rather than heading toward Mrs. Moreau’s property, we headed into the city.

  “Where are we going?” I asked curiously.

  Sandy never took her eyes off the wheel and answered curtly. “She’s getting a treatment today. She will be at the center for a few hours, so I am dropping you off and will pick you both up later.”

  I nodded quietly and stepped out of the truck at the entrance of the oncology building. With a small piece of paper guiding me to the room, I followed the instructions and quietly found a place next to Raina. She was asleep, so I didn’t wake her, but it wasn’t long before her frail hand reached out for mine.

  “Stella, sweetheart, thank you for coming,” she said softly.

  “I really didn’t have a choice, but I am happy to be here. I am sorry I’ve been away for so long, it’s just . . .”

  Raina put up her hand to hush me. “Stella, I know everything. I understand.”

  My eyes grew wide and I breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Raina. I was beginning to feel like I was crazy for being upset.”

  Her eyes grew determined and somewhat distant, which indicated to me I shouldn’t be so elated.

  Several moments passed before she began to speak. “I may understand, but it does not mean I agree. There’s something very important you need to know that I think might shed some light on this situation. My son refuses to tell you, but I will not hold back. This is bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. You both do not have much time, and you need to work this out now while you can.”